Masa remaja, salah satu masa tersulit bagi orangtua dan remaja itu sendiri ? Sudah bukan rahasia lagi !
Anak usia 12-19 tahun sedang dalam masa transisi dari kanak-kanak menjadi dewasa. Mereka mengalami banyak perubahan baik secara fisik, kognitif, maupun sosioemosi. Masa ini sering disebut sebagai masa anak menjadi pemberontak dan emosinya labil.
Maka tentunya, anak remaja sangat ingin didengar di masa ini. Namun, bagaimana dengan sisi orangtua yang juga perlu menyikapi perubahan pada anaknya? Pihak orangtua pun tentu berharap mereka juga didengar oleh anak remaja mereka. Lantas, bagaimana supaya kedua belah pihak bisa saling mendengarkan dan didengarkan?
Melly Kiong memulai dengan menekankan bahwa hubungan dalam keluarga tidak harus sempurna. Alangkah baiknya kalau orangtua dan anak remaja sama-sama mau terbuka akan perubahan. Selain mau terbuka, Melly Kiong berkata bahwa orangtua mau diperlakukan seperti apa oleh anaknya maka lakukan seperti itu kepada anak.
“Coba posisikan diri sebagai anak, mau tidak diperlakukan seperti itu?” tanya Melly Kiong mengingatkan.
Untuk mendapat opini langsung dari anak remaja, Melly Kiong dan Maeya Zee menghadirkan special guest; Didy, seorang mahasiswa bidang Komunikasi. Saat ditanya apakah pernah ingin didengar orangtua tapi malah dicuekin atau diputus, jawaban Didy adalah pasti YES. Katanya, kalau mood orangtua sedang jelek, maka apapun topiknya bisa jadi bahan omelan. Namun, Didy juga berkata bahwa remaja juga sama dan bisa tiba-tiba marah atau emosian sehingga yang penting adalah harus pintar membaca situasi.
Saat disinggung tentang orangtua yang ideal, Didy menjawab bahwa dirinya sering merasa bahwa orangtua terkadang punya ekspektasi yang jauh dari realita anak. Ia melanjutkan, anak remaja juga punya beban dari lingkungan dan sekolah yang meskipun bisa terlihat sepele di mata orangtua, adalah hal besar untuk mereka, “Jadi orangtua kadang ga peka,” lanjutnya.
Menanggapi ini, Maeya Zee juga mengingatkan orangtua agar jangan kaget bila anak remaja cenderung lebih dekat dengan teman daripada orangtua. Pasalnya, anak remaja ingin dipahami. Sosok teman dirasa lebih bisa mendengarkan tanpa menghakimi dibanding orangtua. Maeya Zee melanjutkan bahwa meskipun remaja mengerti bahwa nasehat dari orangtua itu benar, ada kalanya mereka cuma ingin didengar dan mendapat sense of approval.
Inilah salah satu alasan Melly Kiong mengenalkan Konsep Mindful Parenting eMKa kepada para orangtua. Orang tua disadarkan adanya Konsep mendidik anak yang sesuai dengan saat ini dan di tempat mereka berada (Mindful). Mata rantai bahwa mendidik anak itu harus mengikuti cara orangtua yang sebelumnya perlu di putus. Teruskan hal yang baik, tapi hal yang buruk cukup sampai disitu saja. Orangtua harus berani untuk mencoba pola didik lain sampai menemukan yang cocok untuk anaknya karena dalam parenting tidak ada ‘One Size Fits All’.
Di masa remaja, anak mulai terjun ke lingkungan dan punya circle sendiri yang tidak semuanya bisa terpantau orangtua. Untuk itu, pembangunan karakter yang baik menjadi filter anak saat terjun ke lapangan; maka sebagai orangtua, carilah waktu dengan anak untuk mendengarkan pendapat/keinginan anak sambal juga menjelaskan harapan sebagai orangtua.
Karena mendengar adalah tahap pertama memahami.
Untuk mendengar lebih lanjut tentang pendapat Didy dan jawabannya untuk pertanyaan yang diajukan orangtua, kunjungi Youtube Melly Kiong atau klik link dibawah ini.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iP321AhqvuI
Teenager Needs to be Listened to, What About Parents?
Adolescence, one of the hardest times for parents and the teenagers themselves? That’s not secret anymore!
These children, ages 12-19 is said to be in a transition period from childhood to adulthood. As a result, they experienced many changes both physically, cognitively, and socioemotionally, and thus, this period is often referred to as a period where children become rebellious emotionally unstable.
Because of the reasons above, teenagers would love to be listened to in this period. However, what about parents who also have to deal with these changes in their children? Of course, parents also wanted to be heard by their teenagers. So, what should both parties do so they can understand each other?
Melly Kiong begins by emphasizing that relationship within a family doesn’t have to be perfect. In fact, it’s because the relationship is imperfect that both parents and children (especially teenagers) should try to be open to changes. Other than being open to each other, Melly Kiong says that parents should treat their children how they wanted their children to treat them.
“Try putting yourself in your child’s shoes, would you want to be treated that way? Melly Kiong asks, remindful.
To get the opinion of an actual teenager, Melly Kiong and Maeya Zee turns to their special guest Didy, a college student currently studying communication arts. When asked if he’s ever wanted to be listened to but instead was ignored or cut-off, Didy’s answer is a resounding YES. He said, if his parents’ mood is awful, then any topic can be turned into scolding session. However, Didy is not ashamed to admit that teenagers can also be moody and emotional. So, he concludes that the most important thing in the relationship between parents and children is to be able to read the situation.
When alluded about the ideal parents, Didy answered that he thinks parents often have expectations of their children that is far from reality. He continued by saying that teenagers also feel pressure from school or society that may seem trivial to parents but is a big deal to them. “I hope they can be more considerate,” he said.
In respond to Didy’s answer, Maeya reminds parents not to be surprised if their teenagers tend to be closer with friends than family. She said this is because teenagers wanted to be understood and more often than not, a friend can lend an ear without being judgmental better than parents. She continued that while teenagers understand that their parents’ advice is sound and makes sense, there are times they just wanted someone to listen without being commented. Where they just wanted a sense of approval.
This is one of the many reasons Melly Kiong is very vocal in introducing Mindful Parenting to parents. Parents are taught that there is a concept of teaching children that can fit any situation (Mindful). She believed parents have to cut off the chains that dictates parents have to educate their children as the parents before them did. Good things about the old parenting way can be continued but bad ones need to be stopped. Parents have to be brave to try other parenting methods until they find the one that fits their children. Because there is not a ‘One Size Fits All’ in parenting.
Adolescence is a time when teenagers started to dive into their community and have their own circle that may or may not be monitored by their parents. Because of this, building good characters is vital as it becomes a teenager’s filter to what right and wrong. So, as parents, find the time to exchange words with teenagers. Listen to what they have to say while also expressing your wishes as parents.
Because listening is the first step to understanding.
To listen further about Didy’s opinions as well as his answer to some parents’questions, visit Melly Kiong Youtube Channel or click the link below.
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