Hubungan mertua dan menantu itu katanya seperti air dan minyak, layaknya kucing dan anjing, ga bisa nyatu dan bawaannya berantem sana-sini. Belum menikah pun rasanya sudah ditakut-takuti soal mertua yang jahat dan sebaliknya, menantu yang kurang ajar. Kenapa kesan antara mertua dan menantu begitu negatif? Dan bagaimana caranya supaya bisa saling akur? Melly Kiong dan Maeya Zee akan berbagi pengalaman dan cara mereka disini.
Generasi Y Terhadap Mertua
Maeya Zee memulai dengan cerita relatable: sejak kecil dirinya sudah sering melihat drama antara mertua dan menantu di keluarganya. Bahayanya, anak kecil itu sensitif terhadap hubungan dalam keluarga, jadi mereka tau kalau orangtuanya tidak akur dengan kakek atau neneknya. Hal ini, ditambah dengan pengalaman jelek dari generasi X tentang mertua mereka yang diteruskan ke anak-anak, membuat generasi Y takut terhadap mertua.
Padahal, diluar sana tidak sedikit juga mertua dan menantu yang hubungannya baik. Maka, langkah pertama untuk akur sama calon mertua khususnya untuk generasi Y yang belum menikah adalah menetralkan kembali pandangan negatif yang ada.
Sementara buat para mertua atau calon mertua, Maeya Zee mengingatkan untuk jangan pernah menyinggung hal negatif tentang orangtua kandung menantu.
“Kamu gimana sih diajar orangtua kamu? Kalimat kayak gini yang bisa bikin perang dunia [antar mertua dan menantu],” kata Maeya.
Generasi X Terhadap Menantu
Kalau menurut Melly Kiong, hubungan antar mertua dan menantu yang jelek itu biasanya antara wanita. Ibu dari suami dan istri.
“Mertua kalau ditegur anaknya sendiri curiga sama menantu, sebaliknya istri juga kalau diomelin suami langsung curiga sama mertua,” jelas Melly Kiong.
Karenanya, menurut Melly Kiong laki-laki atau suami harus tegas kalau mau hubungan antara mertua dan menantu lancar. Suami harus bisa menjembatani hubungan dengan jangan berpihak tapi justru membantu mertua dan istri saling mengerti.
Rahasia Hubungan Mertua-Menantu Yang Baik
Sebenarnya rahasianya cukup satu, yaitu: pintar memposisikan diri (mengubah diri) agar bisa mengerti orang lain. Ini sejalan dengan pesan yang selalu Melly Kiong sampaikan bahwa kita tidak bisa memaksa orang lain berubah maka perubahan harus datang dari diri kita.
Semua keluarga berbeda, maka ukuran “akur” untuk setiap keluarga juga berbeda. Pintar memposisikan diri artinya tau kapan dan di situasi seperti apa bisa mendekatkan diri dengan mertua/menantu. Sebaliknya, kalau memang merasa tidak bisa dekat (belum/tidak bisa menganggap mertua sebagai ortu sendiri atau menantu sebagai anak sendiri), maka menjaga jarak yang nyaman dan tidak memaksa.
Akur atau tidaknya hubungan kita dengan mertua/menantu tergantung kita mau berubah atau tidak. Untuk itu, ingat dan terapkan selalu 5 dimensi Mindful Parenting.
Dengarkan versi lengkap talkshow ini dengan klik link dibawah ini.
Who Says In-Laws Can’t Get Along?
Relationship between parent-in-law and children-in-law is said to be like water and oil, or even like cats and dogs, can’t ever merge together and worse would only get into arguments here-and-there. Even before marriage it feels like one has heard of the evil parent-in-laws or insolent children-in-law. Why does in-laws have such a negative connotation attached to it? And what to do to get along with in-laws? Melly Kiong and Maeya Zee will share their experiences and methods here.
Generation Y Towards Parent-in-Laws
Maeya Zee begins with a relatable story: from she was young, she often saw drama between in-laws within her family. The danger is, children are actually very sensitive to relationships in the family so, they know when or if their parents don’t get along with their grandparents. This, coupled with the fact that bad experiences the generation X had with their parent-in-laws is passed to the children resulted in generation Y fearing their parent-in-laws long before marriage.
When in reality, there are also lots of people who get along just fine with their in-laws. That’s why, the first step to getting along with parent-in-laws, especially for generation Y that have yet to marry is to neutralize the existing negative views regarding in-laws.
Meanwhile, Maeya Zee reminds parent-in-laws or future parent-in-laws to never allude to anything negative regarding your children-in-law’s biological parents.
“How does your parents even teach you? This is the kind of questions that can wage wars [between in-laws],” says Maeya.
Generation X Towards Children-in-Law
According to Melly Kiong, rocky relationships usually occur between female in-laws. In other words, the mother of husband and the wife.
“When a mother-in-law is reprimanded by her son, she is immediately suspicious of her daughter-in-law. Likewise, when a wife is scolded by her husband, she will first think it’s her mother-in-law’s doing,” explains Melly Kiong.
Because of that, Melly Kiong believes that the man or husband in the family must be firm and decisive in order to have a smooth relation between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. A husband must be able to bridge the relationship between his mother and his wife and not pick sides but help them understand one another.
The Secret to a Good Relationship Between In-Laws
There’s only one secret and that is: be smart when positioning yourself (changing yourself) in order to understand the other person. This means to be flexible and is in line with what Melly Kiong always says that we cannot force others to change, so the change must come from ourselves first.
Every family is different. Thus, the measurement of “getting along” for each family is also different. Being smart in positioning yourself means knowing when and in what situation to get closer to parent/children-in-law. In turn, if you think that you can’t get closer (can’t or not yet able to see parent-in-law as your parent or children-in-law as your children), then keep a comfortable distance and don’t force the relationship.
Whether we can get along with our parent/children-in-law depends on whether or not we want to change. For that, always remember and apply the 5 dimensions of Mindful Parenting.
Listen to the full version of this talk show by clicking the link below.
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